Class Swap
by Jay-with-Splice
Summary: After a heated argument between the Soldier and the Pyro, the Spy suggests a different alternative to resolving their issues.


"Being a Pyro has to be the easiest of all classes, private!"

Inside the locker room post battle, the Blu mercenaries all stood, getting yelled at by the Soldier for the pitiful loss they had endured. However, none of them seemed to really be listening to him until he reached the Pyro. The poor man hadn't been expecting the rush of pure anger that Soldier had delivered to him verbally. Usually, he ignored the man as well, but when he started yelling about how bad of a Pyro he was, he snapped.

"It's more difficult than you think!" Pyro hissed between clenched teeth, eyes narrowed in a dangerous way. "I, not only have to light people on fire, but I also have to Spy Check, extinguish burning teammates, run headfirst into battle to get at close range, and-"

"Point and shoot, maggot!" Soldier interrupted with another snap. "Burning men alive is your job. Not hanging back and keeping an eye out for Spies!" Before both could lunge for the each other's throats, a pair of arms wrapped around each Merc. The Engineer tugged Pyro away whilst the Heavy dealt with Soldier.

"Everyone just calm down..." Engineer started. "We each have our jobs that are all equally difficult, but there's no need to go tellin' the other how bad they-"

"Point and shoot?!" Pyro snapped, cutting the Engineer off. "That's literally what you do! Raise that clunky rocket launcher of your's and fire at everyone!"

"Leetle men must calm down." Heavy ground out in his deep gravelly voice. "Must cool off, da? Dere is no need for unserious words among comrades."

"If I may make a suggestion~?" The Spy had entered the conversation, standing tall before all four mercenaries. "If you two think that being ze other class is so easy, why not tomorrow you 'switch it up'?" The cigarette he had been smoking was ground into an ash tray placed conveniently in the locker room for those who smoked. The looks on their faces, two of confusion, two of doubt, made the Spy snicker.

"Switch classes?" The Pyro muttered. "Like...uniforms and weapons and jobs?" A nod was his answer and both Soldier and Pyro glanced to each other. "I dunno...I don't think-"

"What are you?! Scared, private?!" The Soldier cut him off again, hands clenching into fists. He thumped himself on the chest, a proud look adorning his face. "I for one will take on this challenge! Whether the Border Bandit does or not!" Pyro's mouth dropped open at Soldier's words, and the look on his face quickly melted to pure malice. All eyes turned to the five Mercs, even the Medic who usually ignored everyone post battle.

"Fine! Fine! I'll do it! As long as he learns that being a Pyro is much harder than he thinks!"

"Very well gentlemen..." Spy gave a nod and fondled the cigarette case in his suit jacket. "Tomorrow, ze two of you shall switch classes. If Pyro wins, Soldier, you must apologize to him and not yell at him for as long as he remains stationed here." A grin from the Pyro. Spy continued. "If Soldier wins, Pyro must do all of Soldier's chores for a month." Soldier cheered. "Good luck tomorrow."

The next day, the Pyro stood in the respawn room, staring at himself in the mirror. If was rather difficult to see past the large helmet covering his eyes. The Soldier's uniform was a bit small on him, but he could still move freely about. In his hands, his gloveless hands, he held the Soldier's Rocket Launcher dubbed The Original. It was large, clunky, and heavy in comparison to his Degreaser, but it was lighter than his Phlogistinator.

"Lookin' sharp." The Scout laughed, patting the Pyro on his back and saluting him. A dumb buck-toothed grin marred the smaller man's face and the Pyro returned it thoughtfully. "This is kinda dumb though...that dumbass needs to know when to keep his mouth shut." His arms crossed over his chest and the Pyro's brow rose. Did he really just sass the Soldier on his inability to keep his mouth shut?

"'ere he comes..." The Sniper grumbled past a cigar. Heads turned to the entrance as the Soldier stalked into respawn. The gas mask was in one hand, the Pyro's favorite Degreaser in the other. The fireproof suit looked a tad big on him, but everyone knew he would refuse to complain about it. "Yer supposed t'have the mask on too." Sniper pointed out, getting a glare from the Soldier's cold blue eyes.

"I will put the mask on!" A glance to where the Pyro and Scout stood and a crooked grin marred his face. "Remember Pyro! First one to complain loses! God! I can't wait to not have to dust for a month!" The man laughed and leaned the Degreaser against his locker to yank the gas mask over his head, completely muffling his words. All mercs watched as the man peered out the door to the gates where the bomb was. He'd get through this day and not have to clean!

The Pyro grit his teeth as the Administrator's countdown began. The Scout wished him luck before dashing off with his Babyface Blaster tight in his grip. A deep breath was taken through his lips and the Pyro ran off to assist their Engineer to getting towards a safer location to set up his machines. The Administrator's voice echoed in his head, slowly getting lower to the final number.

"5, 4, 3, 2, 1!" The gates shot open and all hell broke loose.

It was normal, dodging rockets and grenades, but only this time, he wasn't immune to the afterburn the Red Pyro released. The Pyro lost track of where the Soldier ran off to, but he shook the thought out of his head as he raised the launcher and fired into the crowd of Reds. In wonder, he watched the men dodge out of the way as quickly as possible. That was a lot more fun than he thought. His blank look was replaced with a large grin, his finger on the trigger. Rockets were flying through the air at every Red merc he saw.

Hiding behind a boulder, the Soldier didn't realize how hot it really was at Badwater Basin until now. He had to admit, the Pyro's suit was hot, the gas tank on his back was heavy, and the fact he couldn't rocket jump sucked, but he downright refused to give up. Grip tightening on the Degreaser, he charged out from behind the rock and squeezed the trigger.

The day continued on, the clock ticking down and the bomb being pushed towards the fourth point. All day things had gotten harder for both. The Soldier wasn't all too used to the unbearable heat of the Pyro's uniform, but it was easily ignored. Other than that, he did find being up close and personal to the Reds quite annoying seeing as everyone focused on him the moment he approached. He had died quite a lot by now...

"Spy!" The Soldier whipped around at the Engineer's cry, bringing the Degreaser around and letting off a large spray of fire. An invisible man was lit aflame and he heard the pained yells as the fire scorched his flesh. Soldier gave chase to the fleeing Red Spy as the Engineer worked on removing the sapper the Spy had placed on his buildings. With that done, the Blu glanced up at the Soldier as he dashed away.

Back at Spawn, the Pyro jogged out through the door, stretching out his arm muscles and giving a soft groan of discomfort. Respawn always made him sick to his stomach, always made his stomach lurch and swirl and coil into knots like a snake tightening around its meal. Jogging down the stairs, he watched the Blu Spy step out after him, cursing the timer on his Dead Ringer. The damn Red Scout had gotten in his way when he was on moving towards the Red Engineer's own machines.

"Ah! Mon ami! How are things going with your day?" A delicately raised brow was given to the Pyro, whom gave a soft snort in reply.

"Harder than I thought. It is point and shoot but it's a lot harder going against the Red Pyro without my suit. Not to mention, it's harder to control the rocket launcher when you fire crit rockets." Hands wrung together, he finally took up the Original again and began his run towards the fight, the Spy dissipating behind him with a chuckle. Readjusting the helmet on his head for what appeared to be the hundredth time that day, the Pyro charged into battle, picking up his pace. He could hear the alarm now; the bomb was drawing close to the drop off into the Red's explosives.

The alarm was loud, baring and the Reds were fighting harder to keep the bomb at bay. The Blus did the opposite to keep the bomb pushing forward. Demoman was hidden on the second floor in the window, spouting off bombs all about the area to keep the Reds on their toes dodging his bombs. In one hand was his regular launcher and in the other was a bottle of alcohol he took from the storage box back at respawn. He fought better when he was drunk.

Beside him was the Blu Sniper, stepping away from the window to keep from having his head blown off. He reloaded his Hitman's Heatmaker with the ammo box nearby. The cigar was rolled from one corner of his mouth to the other. Glancing out the window, he gave a snort of amusement at Soldier in Pyro's clothing, catching the Red Medic on fire as he trailed behind the Red Soldier. It was amusing to him to see the Pyro and Soldier switch classes and both struggle to an extent.

"Who do'ye think'll win?" The Demoman had stepped away from the window and glanced at the Sniper. He had a genuinely curious look on his face.

"Dunno. Both'a them are hard-headed stubborn assholes...might just be a draw." The cigar was removed and both peered out the window as the Pyro descended the ramp right after the Scout. The little scamp made a rapid dash for the bomb to give it that final push into the Red's explosives. The Red's reacted, as did Pyro. He blasted rockets at every man that dared tried to get close to the Scout as he leapt up on top of the bomb, holding tightly to a crate with one hand and firing his Babyface Blaster. A stray rocket flew from the Red Soldier, blasting at Pyro's feet and sending him skyrocketing.

Pyro landed hard, bashing his head against an iron railing and sending his head and sight into a fit of pain. He rolled down the stairs to where the launcher was, grabbing it in his grip and staggering to his feet just as the bomb tipped forward. Both bomb and Scout were flung into the depths of the Red base. The following explosion rattled the ground, blowing anyone nearby backwards. Loud cheerful cries of the Blus, all of them charging for the Red base to take care of the stragglers. The Soldier jumped over the railing, landing in front of the Pyro with amazing coordination.

Silence between the two mercs as their comrades ran after the Reds. The Soldier ripped off the gas mask, clenching it in his fist so tightly, his knuckles were probably white. The Degreaser was leaned against the wall before a hand was held out to help the man up. Pyro stared at the hand the Soldier offered him before he raised his own to take it. Soldier helped the Pyro stand and they stood there awkwardly, the sun baring down on them.

"You did pretty good as a Soldier, Pyro." The Soldier told him finally, shocking the Pyro with words he never thought he'd hear. The Degreaser was once again taken into the Soldier's grip and he gestured for them to start heading back to base.

"Uh...you're a good Pyro, as well." The Pyro replied after shock faded. His hand rubbed at the back of his sweat-soaked neck in a nervous manner. More silence fell about them and finally, "Guess we switch back to normal next time, eh?" The Soldier gave a noise of remembrance and a nod.

"That's right. Our day off is tomorrow." The Soldier shook his head with a laugh, before offering the gas mask back to the Pyro. "To be honest, I think it's best we stay our original class. Makes things easier that way...plus less respawning." The Pyro's brow rose at the Soldier, a grin growing on his face. His hand closed around the mask and he stared at it silently.

"Does this mean that I win?" A laugh at the Soldier's splutter of angry disagreements and he shook his head angrily with his face red. "I think it is. You did say something about today first." He didn't have to look to know that Soldier was already seething. A breath, and the Soldier forced himself to calm down as he answered.

"I am not admitting defeat! I am just saying that we stay our original class! You are a terrible Soldier but a good Pyro!" The Blu gave a deeper frown when the Pyro gave another snort of amusement.

"How about this then. Instead of who wins or who loses, we just do our bets for a week?" The Soldier paused at that, stepping aside to let the Medic and the Heavy walk into the locker room. Inside, the Scout was sitting on the bench, grinning ear to ear at his accomplishment a few minutes before. "I'll do your chores and you don't yell at me. We'll do both for a week?" Soldier seemed dubious at first, but finally he groaned and gave a nod.

"Just as long as I don't have to dust. I suck at dusting, private!" Pyro smirked and gave a soft laugh as he removed the helmet from his head, offering it to the Soldier..

"I know, Soldier. I know."


End file.
